And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
