I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
