if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
