i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
