You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
