i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
