If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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