If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
