i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
