I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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