if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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