I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
