I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
