there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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