I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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