i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
