Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
