4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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