I love black thongs
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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