my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
