I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
