Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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