You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
