I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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