Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
