Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
