He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
