i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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