i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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