but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
