He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
