I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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