my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
