Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
