Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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