One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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