Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
