She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we made out on top of his cat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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