someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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