thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
