Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Send help, water and tortillas.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
