just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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