i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
