I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
