It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
