You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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