my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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