Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
