just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
