walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
