I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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