you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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