Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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