in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
