I wish I could teleport
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
