he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
